Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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