shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
