im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
