So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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