You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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