Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
