Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
