Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
