Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
