Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
