I puked a lego.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
