we have pet lesbian snakes
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
how drunk are you?
Several
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
