Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
