Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
