you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
