I wish i was in the wii world.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? 😭😭
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
