I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Houston, we have a squirter
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
