So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
