My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
