My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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