My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
