Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
