Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
