found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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