We're like a lot better than the average bears
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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