SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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