she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
