She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
