he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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