Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
