You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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