Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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