Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
