I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
