gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
