the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My liver just had a heart attack.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
