Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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