I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
