"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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