i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
