I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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