If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We just shotgunned beers for America
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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