As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
