worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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