I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Success! We fucked roommates!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
