I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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