just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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