"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
