you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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