Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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