i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
