I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
